Philosophy, Society and Critical Quarterly
I sat with my head in my hands; at the table next to my attorney awaiting the judge’s judgement that would most likely seal my fate. There had been many late nights of partying and doing drugs that had led up to several arrests. Not caring about the society and philosophy. Which followed by short stints in the local detention center that took all of my liberties away.
In truth, I had not been able to handle the responsibilities of my freedom. Or my civil liberties on my own; since I had become an adult. I was being forced to own that fact for myself. It was my third debut appearance before Judge Brown. It seemed as though it was an unwelcome visit in his house; at that point in time.
As I gritted my teeth; the small muscles that secured my jaws together were bulging from my lower cheeks as my court appointed attorney leaned closer to me. Reminding me to relax. He said something about the tension that was steadily growing in my shoulders. It was making me look even more guilty; that my long philosophy of violence in the penal code system that I already had.
He reminded me that I should not give Judge Brown another reason to put me away
But in the back of my mind I knew it was inevitable. I knew that I would be leaving my friends and family behind; while I pursued an involuntary commitment behind a strong set of locked bars. Whether I wanted to or not.
The truth of the story was that since I had turned twenty-one; I had gotten into a lot of trouble. It all started innocently enough. As I went out with my friends to dinner and to have drinks. The problem came in when I got back into my car following those drinks, and tried to drive myself back to my apartment to go to bed.
On several occasions a law enforcement officer had pulled me over for what he cited as reckless behavior. I could not see it for myself; because I was unfortunately inebriated at the time. Feeling I could do no wrong. Apparently, being ten-foot-tall and bullet proof was not going to get me out of the sobriety test; that the peace officer was required by law to administer.
I could not walk in a sufficient straight line
I couldn’t say the alphabet backwards fast enough either; or at all. The peace officer grabbed me by my arm. He tilted me over the front of the squad car and hand cuffed me in front of my friends.
I felt like it was funny at first; making silly faces at the girls in my car as they watched on. And at the moment; they giggled back at me. But when I awoke the following morning locked inside a jail cell, all by myself; I realized it was not as funny as I once had thought.
I hurriedly dragged myself over the cold metal toilet to relive myself of my inhibitions from the night before. Grabbing my stomach as I did. I was nauseated not by the goings on though. By then I had moved on to feeling morbidly embarrassed for what had happened.
I clearly was not in a good place in my life. Wondering how I had made those bad decisions that brought me to where I was. Laying on the concrete dirty floor of the jail; waiting to see the judge. Unfortunately, that was only the first time it had happened. The judge let me off with a fine and community service; which I thought was not so bad.
But then it happened again and then one more time. The third time was surely the worst of the worst. I was in a bar and as I went to leave; a quasi-friend warned me not to go by myself; and that the police were watching the parking lot. But I thought she was being overly cautious; I did not listen to her warning.
Being as hard headed as I am, I got in my little car anyway and went on my way.
Just as she warned; I got stopped by the police. They detained me for a while. It did not take long for my frustration and aggravation with the situation to get worse. Then I pushed him out of my way; because I was tired. I just wanted to go home.
Now I sit here; reading about philosophy and waiting to hear my fate. Before a judge who does not care for me; or my philosophy profession at all. I believe the official charge was called ‘Assault on a Peace Officer’. From what my attorney tells me; it is something the court does not take lightly. So, here I am; waiting to hear how long my freedom will be taken away from. I should have never gotten in my car that night.